Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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