Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
