I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Farmville is her only friend.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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