god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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