idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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