Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
