I just cut my nipple shaving
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
