Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
