Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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