I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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