i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can't put those talents on a resume
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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