i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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