he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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