I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
