.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
