new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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