at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
