She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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