Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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