i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
