youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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