Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
