So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
