Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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