you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
