Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize