Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
