drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
