I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
