Someone shit on the floor
My balls are so social today.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
