1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
