It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
