I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
