I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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