I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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