what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
