The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
