So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
