I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
