so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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