Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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