with your own penis?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
