if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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