She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
