i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I just put wine in my tea
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
