i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
