these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
