hotel room ftw
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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