As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
