Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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