i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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