I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
