remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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