did you get engaged???
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How does one acquire holy water?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He did a backflip because drugs
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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