I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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