as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
