if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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