its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
