You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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