I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
