well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
