ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
