I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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