My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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