New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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