So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
