Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
