elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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