Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
