Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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