Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
