I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
