im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
