FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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