Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
