I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
