just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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