walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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