grandma shit on top of the toilet
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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