Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
