I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize