I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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