Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
