PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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