If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
