i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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