He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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