Barsexuality is the new black.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
