If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
