Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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