You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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