they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
