I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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