hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize