So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
