im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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