I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
