What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
