i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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