Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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