He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
