I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
