I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
