Can i not drive my cunt home
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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