Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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