another moral hangover. fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
