sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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